Sex By Mistake?

Bill Cammack / Weapons of Ass DistractionLadies. Please wake up. There is no such thing as a guy having sex by mistake. Period. No chance, no way, no how. None.

I was having this conversation about “the truth” with a friend the other day, and the scenario came up of a guy being in a relationship with one chick and then having sex with a different chick and returning to his so-called “girlfriend” and telling her “the truth”.

Unfortunately, ๐Ÿ™‚ My friend’s version of a guy telling “the truth” included “blah blah blah blah and I made a mistake and blah blah blah”. Sorry. That doesn’t exist.

Free Will

What had happened was….. He did what he wanted to do AT. THAT. TIME., and now he feels sorry about it.

Maybe he feels sorry because he went back on his word, which has nothing to do with his girl and everything to do with who he thinks he is as a person and what he believes (believED) his overall character is (was).

Maybe he feels sorry because he didn’t think he was the type of guy to cheat, and he found out “the hard way” that he was (is).

Maybe he feels sorry that he can’t look his girl in the eye and continue the lie that he’s only having sex with her.

Maybe he feels sorry that he’s going to break her heart when he tells her the truth.

Maybe he feels sorry that he’s risking his relationship being over, just because of a few hours (minutes?… seconds?) of fun.

Whatever he’s sorry about NOW has no bearing on what he did THEN, which was to pull up to the next chick’s bumper, bay-bay, in his long black limousine:

Now and Then

Does he feel NOW like it was “a mistake”? In the grand scheme of things, yes, he does. That doesn’t make his action “a mistake”. It makes it a BAD IDEA. People have BAD IDEAS all the time, like selecting Sarah Palin as a running mate.

Sarah PalinSee, but you can’t turn around after you get BLOWN OUT in the Presidential Election and say “Honey… I made a mistake by selecting Sarah”. The fact remains that you chose her, and you did what you did, and you got what you got.

Tell it like it is: “Honey… I made a conscious decision to run with Sarah Palin, and I LIZOST, big-time, like in a practically historical landslide”.

Similarly, if your man steps to you after the fact with some form of “excuse”, it needs to include the fact that at the time, he was doing EXACTLY what he wanted to do, which was tap the other chick.

Mistake:
transitive verb
1: to blunder in the choice of (mistook her way in the dark)
2a: to misunderstand the meaning or intention of : misinterpret (don’t mistake me, I mean exactly what I said)
2b: to make a wrong judgment of the character or ability of
3: to identify wrongly : confuse with another (I mistook him for his brother)

1: To blunder in the choice of: “Sorry honey… Turns out, I blundered in the choice of which female to have sex with”

2a: To misunderstand the meaning or intention of: “Sorry honey… I didn’t understand that if I tapped that, you would get upset or feel betrayed. When you had said ‘sex’, I didn’t know you meant ‘intercourse’, exactly… My bad.”

2b: To make a wrong judgment of the character or ability of: “Sorry honey… When she invited me back to her place so she could ‘Knock my socks off’, I thought she meant she could beat me at Scrabble or Connect-4. When I had told her I had a girlfriend, and she said ‘so what?’, haha I thought she was joking. ๐Ÿ™‚ Apparently, I completely misjudged her character…. um… as well as her ABILITY!!! (good-googelamoogela!)… My bad.”

3: To identify wrongly: I’m not even going to get into this one, because I *JUST* posted about that in “Did your man call out another womanรขโ‚ฌโ„ขs name?”. Just make sure you apply “My bad” at the end.

Kilts and Bagpipes

City at Night / Bill CammackSo you see, even if you were to take his word that it was “a mistake” that he had sex with someone other than yourself, that’s not an EXCUSE. Neither is alcohol, but we’ve gone over that one already, back in September.

There’s no such thing as a guy having sex by mistake because first of all, there’s a physical arousal component that needs to be present in order for intercourse to occur at all. It’s not like y’all chicks that all you have to do is lean back and all of a sudden, you’re getting laid.

On top of that, being that this is neither Scotland nor Ireland, most guys are wearing *PANTS*! These pants are normally accessorized with BELTS, ZIPPERS and BUTTONS, so it’s not very likely that they were removed “by mistake”.

Claiming condom use is a win/lose situation. You’re giving up the “mistake” defense for the “safer sex” defense… That is… Unless you happen to own a pair of pants that automatically attaches a condom to your person if they’re removed from your body outside the presence of your girlfriend.

So, Please, Ladies. WAKE UP, and stop accepting these retarded “excuses” for what a guy planned to do, did, and is now trying to get over for. If you feel like your man LEGITIMATELY made a mistake by having sex with some other chick, and you took him back because he “told you the truth”, tell us the story in the comments below about how you went out like a sucker and fell for the old okey-doke.

~Bill

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11 thoughts on “Sex By Mistake?”

  1. 6) Maybe he is sorry because its about to come out. Seeming to throw himself on the sword with gobs of remorse because the truth was coming within a short time anyway.
    the truth would/should have sounded like “Baby, im really sorry and ashamed that I used such bad judgement when I slept with Soandso and accidently left too many loose ends”!

    lol

    1. Word, haha.. “Sorry I didn’t cover my tracks well enough, honey, and you actually found out what’s been going on behind your back this entire time……. My bad.” ๐Ÿ˜€

  2. What about the good old “she kissed me”. The story: He mentions to a coworker that this girl who works with them was “hot”. All the sudden she starts showing up at their after work drinks sessions because the coworker told her that HE said she was hot.

    Then one night when they’re out having drinks she talks to him, says she’s married but he thinks she wants to be friends so sure, lets exchange numbers. Then she kisses him and tells him she wants to cheat on her husband. He goes no further, but then after acting weird to me for like 4 days finally gets all drunk and tells me.

    I pondered it… and pondered some more… then after a few months (try 6.. yeah, I’m slow to realize things sometimes, ha) I decide it’s bullshit and yep, DONE. Cuz, dude… I’ve never been in a situation where I got kissed but didn’t WANT to be kissed… you have to be sending some pretty good signals and sitting PRE-TTY close to just GET KISSED.

    I should have known myself better and ended it right there, but you learn new shit every day right?

    1. Well, you see the various infractions hahaha. First of all, if he was “with” you, he shouldn’t have been telling dudes that he was into other chicks. Second, as soon as that chick showed up and then PRESSED UP, he should have told her he was “spoken for” and that should have been that.

      Third of all, “He thinks she wants to be friends?”… After she NEVER came around until his boy told her that he thought she was hot? See… This is where y’all fall for the okey-doke. ๐Ÿ˜€ What kind of “friends” was he going to be with her? Were they going to play shuffleboard together? Monopoly, maybe? Nope. She got the word that she might be able to get some and she started showing up. SHE knew it, and HE knew it. This is what I mean by guys seemingly “telling the truth”, except they’re not TELLING THE TRUTH. There is no “He thinks she wants to be friends”.

      On top of that, at the number exchange part, he should have DEFINITELY said he was involved with another chick, but I didn’t see him telling her that in your entire story.

      See, at least, if he had told you he had told her, he could have acted like she snuck up on him and planted one on his lips. The way this reads, he was playing it “single & available”. That’s the major problem here, not that he eventually made out with her. The making out only occurred because he swept you under the rug from the giddyap.

      But, it’s like I said. Dudes are going to get away with as much as they can get away with. What are the odds that a COWORKER of his didn’t know he had a girlfriend or couldn’t have found out in a split second. While his boy was busy putting his business in the streets about what he wanted to do to her, he could have just as easily said that his boy was dating you.

      That’s neither here nor there, because the dude HIMSELF is the one that had the agreement with you but was still feeling her enough to want to make out with her and then tell you about it later like as if he had gotten victimized, so… SEEYA! ๐Ÿ˜€

    1. Yes, Ma’am, hahaha and Thank You for Sharing! HAHAHA ๐Ÿ˜€

      (hopefully, some of the young ladies will listen to and learn from your example, instead of thinking I’m just clowning and not talking about REAL THINGS that happen to REAL PEOPLE!)

  3. Can you give me some insight as to why a guy would let a woman know after the deed was done that he was loaded and felt he’d made a bad drunk decision in having sex with her? Brief fling with married man ended with break up conversation 2 days after last encounter of multiple all nighter…when a dude is married an official break up isn’t necessary when a grown woman is aware she’s drinking from someone else’s pool. add that he’d claimed home life was unhappy and he’s leaving her, only to change his mind after getting all the sex he was ever going to want from me-how convenient for him, as if I wasn’t onto him from the start =)

    Why would a guy bother telling me I was a drunken mistake, rather than just not call me again? I went from thinking…dang I just totally boned the shit outta someone more than 10 years younger than I am and I kept up with pretty damn good…to a totally deflated ego…this guy rocked it and then ruined it within hours. This happened almost 2 years ago and it still stings. He tried to feed he looks at me as a friend but that’s where I drew my line.

    1. Hey 40.

      First of all, any guy who’s married is going to say his home life is unhappy and he’s leaving her. That’s Standard Operating Procedure. Don’t even listen when you hear stuff like that. Dudes have to say that to get women to spread their legs.

      He was lying about the drunken mistake too, if y’all hooked up multiple times.

      I suspect he was just trying to say something that he saw in the movies makes women go away and never bother a dude ever again.

      The thing is that most guys aren’t successful with women at all, so when they finally DO hook up, they aren’t sure how to get her to go away. They spend all their time learning how to get laid, and then after the fact, they don’t have any plays in their playbook.

  4. Thank you for the reply.

    This guy shoved his game down my throat even though I told him his explainations and excuses were not necessary. I suspect he did that to satisfy his own guilt for cheating on her. Letting me know the whole thing-spanned over an approximate 3 months-was an accidental drunken blur to him was for me, almost as low as when he opened his cell and called wifeypoo less than a minute after we’d finished having sex the last time-from my bed while I was still naked next to him!! I did not need a brush off speech as I did not pursue him, lay relationship expectations on him or badger him afterward demanding answers or attention. Bad overall experience for me with a very rude man. He immediately went into this weird we hate each other mode and upholds that to this day when I see him around even in front of common friends who know what happened. Hello wall, how the hell are ya! Now I have another 30 something year old who wants to know if I’m interested in being his friend with benefits…I don’t expect flowers and candy the next morning but am also in no hurry to go through all that again. I’m in a smaller city where a bad reputaion goes in the ground with you when you die…here we can’t disappear into a crowd like a person can in a bigger city. There are people in commom in every direction around here. At my age I do not need a man 10-15 years my junior making a complete fool out of me and acting like a 7th grade jackass when he’s done doing it.

    However, this offer does have obvious appeal ;o)

    What to do, what to do..

    1. Explanations And Excuses are always necessary, because women *always* say that they’re not necessary and that y’all can handle the truth and y’all aren’t going to flip out, and then when you get the truth, y’all flip out! ๐Ÿ˜€

      The point being that you’re going to receive them regardless of how you attempt to frame your interaction with a guy, due to his past experiences.

      Yeah.. First of all, if y’all messed for months, the alcohol excuse is out the window. That only works in a spur-of-the-moment, one-night-only situation, and it barely works even then. He was just being dumb with what he was saying.

      As far as calling the next woman after rolling off of you, that’s just lame. ๐Ÿ˜€

      As far as the next dude, if FWB is your style, go for it. Otherwise, veto it.

      I hear what you’re saying about the “bad repuation” thing. There are too many people here in NYC. I can meet a chick, mess with her, and never see her ever again in life, even though we live in the same city. What you don’t want is for people to pass the word around that you’re good FWB material.. Not because there’s any stigma attached to that, but because guys will do the least they need to do to get on. If your goal is to have an actual boyfriend, you don’t want guys to feel like they can just hit it and quit it as much as they like, because that’s how you roll.

      Also, if dude is significantly younger than you, he’s going to consider you a MILF or Cougar, which comes with its own set of stereotypes.

      Figure out what you want, and then stick to your guns. If you feel like messing with several random dudes, do that. If you feel like trying to get a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with one guy, do that.

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